Kwik Goblin Humor Blog

Have you been shopping this holiday season? I suspect that you have. Not only do people push and shove their way through the crowd, but also Christmas music constantly blares over the speakers in the mall’s ceiling. No matter which way you turn, some of the most annoying songs in the world greet you.

Some Christmas music isn’t bad, but some is most annoying. Here are the ten most annoying Christmas songs of all time, in my humble opinion.

* Deck the Halls - This song really annoys me. It is strictly a pagan song and makes me want to rip the speakers out of the mall’s ceiling. Over and over again we hear, “fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Grrr!

* Carol of the Bells - This song is asinine. The same four notes play over and over again. If you weren’t brain dead before it plays three times in 30 minutes, you’ll wish you were. It seems the “ding-dong, ding-dong” song never ends and once you leave the mall, it continues to play for hours in your head. Over and over and … Well, you get the idea.

* Do They Know It’s Christmas - Released what seems a century ago, but is really only three decades, this song is dead and needs to be buried. The words, “world of dread and fear” and “clanging chimes of doom,” make me crazy. The gloom and doom is depressing and the holidays are depressing enough without it for some.

* Happy Christmas- This song is referred to as War is Over by some people. This is one of McCartney’s worst ever attempts at songwriting.

* Happy Holidays - Do we have to have “happy” in ever Christmas song? This is another one that retail stores play every ten minutes, or so it seems. It’s enough to turn your stomach by the end of the first week of December.

* Have a Holly Jolly Christmas - When Burl Ives first sang this song, people tapped their toes and sang along. Decades later, I grit my teeth whenever I hear it. It certainly takes all of the “holly” and “jolly” out of my holiday season.

* Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - This song makes no sense at all. What is a “little Christmas?” It’s cheesy to say the least and it annoys me to distraction. The songwriter’s attempt at “cute” revolts me.

* Santa Baby - Santa is a plump, red ball and I can’t for the life of me see how anyone can find him sexy. Of course he’s a fictional character, but give me a break. Plus, that scratchy voice is enough to make you tear your hair out by the roots.

* Blue Christmas - I’m a Baby Boomer. When Elvis was in his hey-day, I loved his music… Well, that is all but Blue Christmas. I find the moaning about lost love akin to a mooing cow and it makes my nerves scream. It would be more fun to hit my thumb with a hammer.

* I’m Getting Nothing for Christmas - There are many children in the world who aren’t getting anything for Christmas and I think that this song is an insult. It’s supposed to be cute but is terribly annoying. It makes my nerves scream. The singer’s complaints about “getting nothing” for Christmas because “I ain’t been nothing but bad” irks me to no end. It has poor grammar and uses double negatives and the voice does nothing to endear the listener to the child. Truthfully, I’m glad that he’s not “getting nothin’ for Christmas.”